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Support personnel are notorious for their bad sleep patterns, appalling diet and general lack of social skills. When communicating with support staff, be gentle, make no sudden movements or loud noises. If they can't ping, script or reboot it the chances are they'll reach for the Estwing.
Secreteive by nature, they prefer skulking through the shadows to basking in the lime-light, the entire support team have refused permission to publish their mini-biogs - we did it anyway, here they are:
Barbie is a joy to work with, she's always smiley, happy, cheery even when your server is flat on its back (empathy perhaps). She fails to comprehend even the most basic trivial instruction, and sits calmly staring into space when all around her is panic and mayhem - completely useless.
Crazy-Frog must be the fastest worker we've ever seen. This astonishing turn of speed combines with complete stupidity and ineptitude to produce a serious danger to all around. We've never met anyone who can screw up so many networked servers in such a short time. A rare talent.
Death is the strong, silent type. Has taken to appearing on the scene just when everyone else has given up all hope. Be very careful when working with this chap - we don't want any nasty accidents.
Juicy Lucy loves all our customers, all our staff and even herself. Nobody gets any work done when she's around, but they don't seem to care. Left to her own devices she will keep your server up all night while fettling the replacement box. [requires two AA batteries daily]
Linus appears at first sight to be an endearing, knowledgable character, if perhaps a little awkward, but he will insist on loading his favourite Operating System onto anything and everything that has a network connection. Works well on his own and plays nicely with others; has been responsible for managing all our mail services single handedly for months on end.
Puffin a good worker that gets on with most folk - knows very little about server technologies. If you make the mistake of tasking him to manage your web server you'll quickly see what we mean when your site only works in one browser.
Tony Blair has loads of creativity and enthusiasm, unfortunately his ideas are half baked, suffer through poor implementation and then we're all expected to pay time after time, hand over fist, for his stupid mistakes. A strong motivator, but ultimately lacks the skill and acumen to manage anything more complex than a desktop calculator.